Thursday, 3 December 2009

Anyway, As I Was Saying

Well that was nice. A week away from the cares and woes of daily living and increasingly fretting about outgoing Dr Who's David Tennant’s habit of showing deep emotion by wrinkling his eyebrows into an odd shape and staring into the middle distance slightly to the left of camera. I needed a break.

It is said that for a blog to really be noticed, you have to do a list. So here is the curious list of ways to amuse a small baby you have been left in control of while you are a) childless yourself; and b) a man:


Prod baby in stomach


Say ‘gerrrschhhhhh’ to baby


Prod baby in stomach again


Look around in hope that one of baby’s parents is in the immediate vicinity with the immediate intention of relieving you of baby


Prod baby in stomach


Wave hand in front of baby’s face while saying ‘whee’ in a loud high-pitched voice


Comfort baby terrified by step 6


Sing The Good Ship Venus to baby. Previously absent parents will suddenly re-appear and object vociferously


Talk to baby in low reasonable tones about a subject close to your heart eg music; films; football; the comparative merits of the various actors who have played Dr Who/James Bond; that weird thing David Tennant does with his eyebrows (delete where applicable)


Prod baby in stomach

Follow the above steps and I can pretty much guarantee that you won’t be asked to look after said baby again.

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